My Dying Dog and Other Reasons to Be Grateful

 

Author and Cosmo on way home from vet

 

“I’m going to FaceTime you now so please answer,” I frantically texted my youngest daughter Danielle as I sat on the floor beside our 14-year-olddog, Cosmo. I was worried this would be the last opportunity for her to see him as she was 1000 miles away at college.

My mind jumped to images of me at the vet’s office, holding a lethargic Cosmo in my arms as I would be told it was time to say goodbye. As the phone rang, I pushed myself to bury those dramatic thoughts and to suppress my approaching tears.

Cosmo had hardly had an appetite for the last couple of days and spent the majority of the week curled up in the corner of my dark closet. I feared we were near the end, and that realization made it a bit more challenging for me to breathe.

After Danielle got to see him and talk to him on the phone, I took him to the vet as theatrical thoughts kept fighting for the spotlight in my mind. I’m normally known to be a non-alarmist; however, when the vet asked me what was going on I started to cry. I worried it was the end and I, of course, was not ready to say goodbye.

Beauty in the Backseat

Ironically, nothing was wrong with Cosmo other than a little stomach issue! He got some fluids, some anti-nausea medicine and rode home with me in one of my favorite car rides I’ve ever experienced. There was nothing more beautiful — no mountain ranges, no ocean views — nothing better than looking in my rearview mirror and seeing that treasured pup in the backseat.

The next morning when I woke up, I put my head on Cosmo‘s chest, listened to him breathe and told him “I am so grateful to have another day with you — every day is a gift.” I have now told him this every morning for the past several weeks, and I hope to continue to tell him this for many more months to come.

From this scare, I realized once again how important it is to appreciate every moment. We don’t know if we’ll have another day with our senior dogs. We don’t know if we’re going to get to tell our loved ones how much we love them. We don’t know if we’re going to feel sand on our feet or sunlight on our face or wind in our hair ever again.

We are here right now. We can feel that right now. We must appreciate that right now.

During Chaotic Times

For many, the world seems a bit upside down these days. We turn on the news or glance at our phones, and we hear of violence, unrest, fraud, fear and doom. There is divisiveness within our own country and sometimes even within our own homes. With all of this, it seems challenging to remain optimistic, which is precisely why it’s more important now than ever to focus on what is good.

I often challenge the people I care about to tell me something positive they perceive is happening in the world rather than placing emphasis on all of their concerns. Some people can lean on their faith during uncertain times and believe that God will protect them or at least lead them to the exact place where they should be. Others try to really dig down to find the encouraging story in the news or to uncover the hope they need to hear.

“Take a moment to feel how lucky you are — you get another day to live on this earth.” — Sam Harris

What’s critical is that we don’t wait or completely rely on a source outside of ourselves to mold our perspective. We are the artists here. We have the palette full of colors at our disposal. We are in control of our emotions, our mindset and our gratitude.

Cosmo’s presence reminds me of that every day as I wake up beside him and embrace that unbelievable gift of breath. It is a miracle to wake up. It is a miracle to start a new day. It is a miracle to watch my senior dog run around like an energized puppy again.

Count the Hellos, Not the Goodbyes

I now joke with my family that Cosmo is just a puppy. I embrace the life and the energy that is within him. I appreciate every moment with him because I don’t know how many more I will have.

The truth is, we never know how many more moments we will have. We do not know if we are about to go out for our last run or drive or coffee date with a friend. It’s challenging to fully appreciate the gift of being here because we have come to expect it.

Sure, we can focus on the chaos in our streets, the fear in our communities and the anger that surrounds us. We also have the choice to focus on the good that exists. We can focus on the change that we can enact. We can focus on the lightness amidst the darkness.

It is in our control to see the good and to be the good. It is a conscious decision to put your phone down, to turn off the TV and to simply snuggle with your aging dog. So savor every walk especially on the cold and rainy days. Appreciate every pet and kiss. Remember as you look at your senior dog or your parents or your children or your friends — every day is an absolute gift.

“The miracle is that we are here, that no matter how undone we’ve been the night before, we wake up every morning and are still here. It is phenomenal just to be.” — Anne Lamott