Are You Leaving a Tip for That Cup of Coffee?

Photo by Joshua Rodriguez on Unsplash

“A pregnant woman who ordered pizza in Florida was stabbed 14 times by a delivery driver who police say was disgruntled over her $2 tip.”

This was the first line in a recent ABC News story. It is hard to believe. It is sickening. It is real.

Aside from the obvious rage, mental health issues and other factors involved in this particular case, it does lead us to think about how we got here.

How did human life become so dispensable to many? Drivers pull out guns from their cars to kill people who cut them off while switching lanes. Customers beat others at the store over arguments about limited Christmas gifts.

One life, gone or traumatized over nonsense — taken over a moment of irrational anger. A life that can never be returned. In this particular case, the pregnant woman’s life was spared. She suffered major injuries, including a ruptured lung, but she survived.

I wonder how she will be in the future — the next time she orders a cup of coffee or a smoothie or a pizza. Will she tremble if she does not have enough for a generous tip?\

When did this concept of tipping even become so expected and so triggering?

How Did We Get Here?

A British writer recently shared his feelings about the tipping culture in America:

“… you know what really took the biscuit? Being prompted to pay a 25 per cent “tip” on an already grossly overpriced cup of “coffee” at a Starbucks in Oklahoma.”

We all know that feeling. We are handed a cup of coffee without even a big smile. The service was basically nonexistent. Yet, that little screen we are to sign loudly demands we leave a tip. A small cup of coffee was already $5.45 because a splash of almond milk was added to it. Now, we have to tip another $1 because someone did their job and handed us our beverage?

The tipping culture has been slowly evolving (or devolving) for years. The Covid pandemic did not help. During those first several months, we often felt as if workers were “risking their lives” to go to work. We knew restaurants were struggling to survive.

So, we, the consumers, were expected to make it better — not the pharmaceutical companies who were making billions on vaccines … not some businesses who were pocketing check after check of stimulus cash … not many CEOS who were doing better than ever.

To upset us further, we learned that many CEOs’ compensation jumped approximately 30 percent during the pandemic. (According to the Center for Public Integrity, CEOs got massive bonuses during the pandemic while workers struggled.) Yet, there we stood — we consumers who were struggling ourselves, who were fearful about our income streams, who were uncertain about our job stability and our futures.

When our lives returned to normal, the tipping expectations remained unchanged. Years later, we consumers are still pressured to tip on a loaf of bread at the bakery.

Believe Change is Possible

This story about tipping really isn’t about tipping at all. It’s about expectations, patterns, fears and habits. The tipping culture is a perfect example though: So many of us resent being expected to tip 20 percent for mediocre service or pretty much no service at all.

Of course, we want to reward hard workers who go above and beyond. Of course, we want to help small businesses and restaurants survive. We do our part proudly and happily, when it is deserved. It is this cycle of assumption, however, that has spun out of control.

What are the odds that the violent pizza delivery woman provided exceptional service? A woman who wants to murder a customer, a pregnant customer, over not getting an extra buck or two is clearly evil — odds are the service sucked, ironically.

But, somehow, that delivery woman determined a generous tip is to be expected. She learned to have no empathy for a customer who maybe was short on cash. Or maybe that pregnant customer was feeling overwhelmed with life and expenses and $2 was substantial from her perspective.

We need to all look at the unspoken rules we have come to accept. We need to look at our own patterns. We need to look at our own expectations and the roles we all play in this dangerous cycle.

Together, we can make a big change with our small actions. We don’t have to robotically follow the tipping standards that feel unfair. We don’t have to indirectly fund CEOs’ colossal bonuses as their own employees are underpaid. We don’t have to consume foods that are full of dangerous dyes and pesticides. We don’t have to blindly believe the results of certain medical studies funded by big Pharma.

We can do our own research, formulate our own opinions, decide what we believe is fair and healthy and safe.

When we stop senselessly following patterns that don’t feel right to us, we are sparking change … one tip at a time, one purchase at a time, one medical decision at a time.

As we head into 2025, let’s stop being so programmed and robotic. Instead, let’s focus on authenticity, safety, change and awareness. When we are attentive, compassionate and reasonable, the results are like a slow-moving ripple in the ocean … the impact continues on and on and on.

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” — Wayne Dyer

I’d love to hear your thoughts about tipping, about patterns we fall into, about the New Year and about change.